30th March 2071
Neil and I were holed up in Glitzy’s sauna for days. We took breaks and each session lasted only for a couple of hours, so it was less hard than I thought. I like the heat anyway and I can deal with it okay. Neil looked a lot more worn out than me when we were done. When I asked Neil if we had to be, like, naked for the ritual, he told me that no, that would not be necessary and actually, it would be wrong. Disrespectful. So I wore a shirt and a skirt Neil brought me. We spend a bit of time gathering stones and what herbs we could find. I dried out the stones with my fire, that was fun.
And then we started with the ritual. The first round was just to meditate and I was afraid I’d fall asleep, but I didn’t, it felt good to just go blank and concentrate on my body. Then Neil told me to try and imagine my aura, to try and change the way it looks. He described how I look for him and I really wish I could see it. It was really hard to do and at first all I could do was make it flicker or change color a bit by thinking about different stuff. Memories, like. We took another break after that and when we returned, it was a bit easier and I concentrated hard. I felt like I could feel every inch of my body, all at once like it was…much bigger? That was so intense. And then I totally zoned out.
I dreamed that I was standing next to a lighthouse, I think I visited it as a child. I was standing on a cliff, with the waves roaring deep down beneath me. There was a big black dog sitting next to me, but it was all friendly and sort of followed me around. I went around the lighthouse and I found a little girl. I didn’t know it, but I think she was me. She just sat there, looking at the sea. I asked her if she was lost and she said: no, you’ve found me, haven’t you? Yeah, I said, you want to come with me? I’m not sure where to go, but it’s not cool to be all alone somewhere. She got up and took me hand, petted the dog. So, she said, who are you? Fairy Fay. No, who are you? Ela. She liked that a bit better, but not good enough. Who are you? I had no idea what to tell her, really. She let go of my hand. How can I come with you when you don’t even know who you are? You can’t know where you’re going then. She turned and walked away. I didn’t want her to leave me alone and I kind of blurted out without thinking: Please, help me look? She smiled at me and said okay, but if you ever lie to me, I’m gone. Then you’re on your own.
I woke up after that and I saw Neil looking up, like he had been asleep as well. Time had started to get a bit strange, neither of us could say how long we’d been … away. So, Neil asked, who are you? His voice sounded strange, like it wasn’t his own and his eyes were really dark. That gave me the chills and I almost ran out. But I didn’t. Instead I said: look at me, see for yourself. And I imagined myself, not as some freak, but as what I am, a drake, Ela, Fairy Fay. All the same. Neil smiled and asked in the same weird voice: and what else are you? I changed for him and for once I wasn’t careful about not damaging something, not freaking people out. You wanted to know, so deal with it.
Neil leaned back and nodded. Good, he said, remember it. He closed his eyes and went very still, didn’t move at all. I could hear him breathing, so I decided to leave him alone and I curled up around the hot stones and waited. I don’t know how long. When he opened his eyes again, he looked and sounded normal, just a bit dazed maybe. We did another short session after cooling down, to, like, come back to reality. Neil seemed really proud of me and I feel like… I don’t know. Good. A bit high. I need to think about all this. I asked Neil what he had seen and he said he’d like to have some time to think, too. But he promised me we’d talk about it.
In any case, it works. I can hide my aura. Fog couldn’t even see I was awakened, much less that I’m a drake when he tried to after Glitzy had finished his tattoo. I’d love to see it. From the way he winces when he sits or when he gets touched, it must be huge.
Zach has some kind of thing going on with EVO and with the house AI. The little sprites that buzz around the house attacked him at breakfast until Neil just gave them a flower to eat from. Dawn and me didn’t see it, but Glitzy showed me the video. Wait, I’ll upload it. video shows Zach hopping around the kitchen like mad, trying to shake out something from his trouser legs, screaming at the top of his voice ’shitshitfuckit’sclimbingupmyfuckinglegHELPME’ until he topples over I guess he really is a technomancer, the way he plays around with EVO. Really, if you threw a brick in this house, you would have a hard time hitting someone normal. You’d have to aim for Dawn I guess. Or Fynn. Although I’m not sure about him, there’s something about this kid.